Script Analysis

Every writer who enters BlueCat Screenplay Competition receives written screenplay analysis on their entry. We strive to hire script readers who are thoughtful, intelligent, fair and clear. How they present their thoughts will, of course, vary, and you might not agree with what they think. But hopefully you will be able glean some idea of how to improve your screenplay and gain ground on your objective of getting your script to screen.

What follows is an example of the feedback we send to our entrants. Remember: what you receive is one person's opinion.

KAIJU

Archive #414

What did you like about this script?

KAIJU is a beautifully told story about Kenji, an actor in the Tokyo studio system whose job consists of being the guy inside the rubber suit who plays the movie monster. While it's a paying gig, it's not the best in the world for a guy like Kenji who has a strong sense of dignity - he feels like he's the laughingstock of a tremendous joke made by the universe at his expense. However, despite his despair over his career direction, he's buoyed by his strong relationship with his eight-year old son Ikio, and a budding romance with Mio, a younger woman who works at a restaurant he frequents - and who has a few quirky secrets of her own.

The characters are full of delicate shadings, and glow with their own inner lives. Kenji, for instance, is a man of few words. However, every word the writer gives him shows us something important about him - and a great deal is told to us by the things he doesn't say. We see how wounded he is by the failures of his earlier relationships, his reticence about dealing with his ex-wife and other people that create problems in his life - and all these things build up until at the movie premiere he gets in a fight and crashes through the party exactly like the kind of wounded movie monster he plays on screen.

KAIJU is brilliantly funny in delightful and understated ways. When the director of the monster movie shouts "lower the apocalypse vessels," a few silver-painted models are dropped on strings from above. When Mio tells Kenji she'll meet him at 5pm for their first date, he looks down at his watch and sees that it is 4:58. The American actor Nix decides to do his own voiceovers in Japanese, but is disheartened to find out that the Japanese script is written in Japanese characters. And so on, page after page of lovely, surprising moments. The writer manages to do all this while keeping within the bounds of the characters and the story world that has already been created - the comedy is entirely congruent with the drama, and that is a remarkable achievement.

What do you think needs work?

It's a challenge to find areas that require improvement in a script this extraordinary. However, there are aspects of Kenji's central dilemma that could be expanded upon. It isn't made totally clear why Kenji hates his work so deeply. He seems to be good at it. It makes him his child's hero. Even if he doesn't get a lot of recognition for the work, it seems to pay for his expenses. So why does he hate it so much? He doesn't have a huge ego - it's not that he feels that this "role" is totally beneath him (although he does want other opportunities). His only criticism seems to be that it makes him feel ridiculous - but aren't we all? Perhaps the reasons why Kenji chooses to stay in his job despite the trauma it creates for him could be drawn more clearly. Is it just for the money? Or are there other, deeper reasons why he's such a good fit for the job? There is something very appealing in the way the writer makes Kenji almost as mute as one of the monsters he portrays - and yet, just as magnetic as one of those kaiju, and the writer might discover some lovely ways to explore this in more depth.

However, there are no major weaknesses here that detract from the marvelous experience of KAIJU. The closing scene of KAIJU is so perfect, so moving and funny that it's not only a beautiful ending for this movie, but has the potential to rate among the greatest closing scenes of all times.